Anything that has struck you, a fascinating fact or a different way of thinking....


What if there were no hypothetical questions?

This sums up my current mood rather well:

Saying that Java is good because it works on all platforms is like saying anal sex is good because it works on all genders.

The inside is the one on the outside, right?

And the nearside is the side furthest from your?

And the Right side is definitely the Wrong side!

If lawyers can be disbarred and clergymen defrocked, does that mean that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, dry cleaners depressed, tree surgeons debarked, and models deposed?

If bombers strike, then who makes the next load of bombs?

The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

If you laid people end-to-end around the world .... 2/3 of them would drown!

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and overtake them.

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

Sauce please Mrs Red.

:lol:

Sometimes we all get lonely, but if you really think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

There's quite a few here:

http://enigma4795.wordpress.com/misc-stuff/

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Good health is just the slowest possible rate at which a person can die.

Algebra must have been easy for the Romans, after all, x is always = 10...

My body is a temple, my mind is atheist.

Hell hath no fury like a vested interest masquerading as a moral principle.

Why do people who know the least, know it the loudest?

There are few things as permanent as a temporary fix

(This one is specially for Mr Red :D :lol: )

Homer is one of the great philosophers :P

Some people create happiness wherever they go,
Others create happiness whenever they go.

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy, opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

13. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?

14. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

15. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

16. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

17. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

What is the speed of darkness?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours?

Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Stop singing and read on.......

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

"nice" is not a nice word. It's a really ugly word. It can be quite antagonistic.

Isn't that a nice thought?

I once used it about 50 times in a single thread. I had no intention of being nice :[

*thinks... we need a Devil smilie*

Not silly, but.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

I still think that's quite silly.

If it said "if life gives you lemons, sugar & water, make Lemonade" then it wouldn't be so silly, but if life really does just give you lemons, surely you're making lemon juice?

B)

I had always heard it as "If life gives you lemons, make whisky sours" which I thought was a much better idea ;)

I'm sure I wrote gin and tonic. :o :lol:

Silly !! :lol:

A day without sunshine, is like......Night :D

Whenever something is made baka-proof, along comes a new and improved baka...

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said, 'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like.'

The Lord led the holy man to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be starving. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering.

The Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.'
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one.

There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking.

The holy man said, 'I don't understand.'

'It is simple,' said the Lord. 'It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves.'

I often tell a similar tale, but it's with chopsticks rather than spoons. I thought it was a Buddhist tale.

So. Heaven is an eternity of having boiling hot stew spilt down your front by clumsy people, because you're incapable of feeding yourself any more.
That doesn't sound like much fun at all. <_<

Also, could the guys in hell not just lean over the pot and drink directly out of it? Messy, sure, but it works. It ain't rocket science. So I guess hell is where stupid people go. :unsure:


Or am I missing the point here? :lol:

*This* is the Point






























































*This* is you :rolleyes:

Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes. It passes my comprehension how human beings, be they ever so experienced and able, can delight in depriving other human beings of that precious right. - Gandhi